Fanficcer
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: Chiharu writes a lemony fanfic starring obvious expies of her friends. That's basically it. [crack, smuttish]


**Fanficcer**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ oneshot

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

Rating: Chiharu

Genre: Romance/Parody

Characters/Pairings: Chiharu; [Hayato x Naga, Hayato x ? ? ?, and possibly one-sided Hinata x Hayato]

Summary: Chiharu writes a lemony fanfic starring obvious expies of her friends. That's basically it. [crack, smuttish]

* * *

Fingers flew across the keyboard at a lightning pace. Lines of text rolled across the screen, crisp and uniform, black on white.

Chiharu Harukaze typed for all she was worth.

_"Oh, Hayato-kun..." Naga Sannin whispered into he lovhets eay_

Without even thinking about it, a finger twitched up to the backspace key. She reduced the mistake to empty white, then retyped it in the blink of an eye.

_into her lover's ear, nibbling softly on his tender lobe. "I love you more than all the money in the world._

Chiharu paused a moment, considering. Her fingers came to a standstill, hovering over the keyboard.

"What next?" she asked herself, narrowing her eyes in thought.

It only took her a moment to decide.

_Hayato smiled, returning Naga's kiss with a fiere_

Backspace.

_fiery passion. _

She paused again, debating the best wording to use.

_Her lips were soft like velvet, sweet as sugar, with a fruity apple tang that slaked his thirst and yet made him hunger all the more for her slight and slender body.  
_

Chiharu nodded, smiling contentedly at this choice. Her cheeks were a little pink, and her eyes were twinkling.

"Yeah, you know you like it, Naga-chan..." she whispered. "Hehehehe..."

_"I love fucking you as much as I love having sex with all of other secret girlfriends," Hayato callously responded, leering warmly down at the naked body of his blonde, underage mistress. _

_Naga was just one of many, although she did not know this._

Chiharu then frowned.

"No..." she muttered. "That's too over the top. Nobody would be able to get into the story if I write the two of them like _that_."

A liberal application of backspace later, followed by the quick and precise rapidfire _klik-a-klak_ typing of a writer on a roll, and she had her new line.

_"I love fucking you as much as I love having sex with... um..." Hayato paused, realizing at once what he was nearly about to say. Quickly covering his ass, he lamely stammered. "Er... you...?"_

_Naga smiled. She didn't see why Hayato felt the need to hide his many other relationships from her. She was perfectly happy to share her bed._

_A lover of Hayato was a lover of hers._

Chiharu stopped for a moment, her face red. She fanned herself with a nervous chuckle, self-consciously rubbing her thighs together.

"Hehe... wow, that's awfully kinky of me," she said, smiling weakly. "I must be a bigger pervert than I thought."

A shiver went up the young woman's spine, and she purred.

"Yes, I think I **definitely** like where this is going," she decided.

Cracking her knuckles, Chiharu resumed typing on her laptop.

_"Oh, Hayato," Naga cooed, winking coyly at her butler and lover. "You're so adorable."  
_

_She leaned towards him, planting a kiss on the older man's lips. He groaned against her mouth, his broth_

Backspace.

_breaht_

Swear. Backspace.

_breath hot and husky, tantalizing and_

Chiharu frowned, trying to think of a good descriptor.

After several seconds, she gave up and just threw in a randomly sexual adjective.

_and raunchy__._

_Naga moaned, feeling Hayato's tongue slip its way into her mouth. One of his strong, calloused hands found a hold on her thigh, squeezing and stroking. Naga felt thrills of pleasure shoot through her aching body.  
_

_She needed this so bad._

Chiharu paused once more, blushing and fanning herself furiously. She wiggled her hips a little bit in her seat, casting furtive, anxious glances this way and that.

She was alone.

Unconsciously, the otaku and part-time maid licked her lips.

_"Put it in, Hayato! Please, I'm begging you!"__ Naga cried, tears welling up in her eyes. "I need you inside me!"_

_Hayato smiled._

_"And I need to go inside you," he said suavely._

_"Ooooh, Hayato!" Naga squealed. Blushing, she shyly spread her legs. "Please be gentle~"_

Chiharu squeezed her thighs a little tighter together.

_Hayato mashed their lips together once more, thrusting his tongue deep into his mistress's throat, much like he planned to do with another organ further south. She squirmed, mewling adorably as he kissed her.  
_

_Broad, powerful hands found their way to Naga's cute little breasts, which he teasingly cupped and fondled. Stiff, hard nipples were trapped between Hayato's skillful fingers. Naga's womanhood moistened, clit swelling, and she felt an incomparable burning ache in her belly. _

_The young blonde wrapped her slender arms around Hayato's lean, muscular torso, holding on for dear life as he pulled her slight frame in closer. Her lips broke apart from Hayato's, just as he smiled at her and pressed himself in. _

Chiharu whimpered, feeling a heat in her abdomen as she wrote. She was on fire. She couldn't stop now.

Not even if she wanted to.

(And she **didn't**, as it were)

_Naga wanted to scream. It wasn't her first_

Chiharu quickly backspaced, then rewrote.

_She had done this with Hayato beofre_

Delete.

_before, but it still was hard to fit him in. He was so BIG!_

Chiharu squirmed a little giddily at her own perverted side coming through.

_She wanted to scream. Not just out of pain_

Frown. Headshake. Backspace.

_As much out of pleasure as_

A "back" to the "space".

_As much from ecstasy as from agony. It was simply exquisite. She wished they could stay like this forever! _

_Oh, how Hayato made love to her. He was a handsome man, and a generous lover. He made her feel things that no one else had ever_

Woops, that slightly contradicted earlier implications.

_that she had never felt before. Naga Sannin did not imagine any woman had ever felt more alive than she did, in her bed, with Hayato that night. It was wonderful._

_Her was_

Ah. Delete that 'r'.

_He was wonderful._

Chiharu then paused. She hummed thoughtfully.

"Well, now... it's short, but this feels like a good spot to end it..." she murmured. "But on the other hand, I think I could still do a little more with this setting..."

Then it hit her.

_Outside the door, the student council president Hinata Sakura listened with a bated breath._

_"Hayato-kun..." she whispered._

A sequel hook.

PERFECT.

Chiharu uploaded her fic, and everyone lived happily ever after. Except for one very rude reviewer who called Chiharu a "_nigur faget_".

He got a root canal.

* * *

A/N: I caught up with the manga again the other day, and saw that there was a remarkable risque-feeling scene with Chiharu in bath. I mean, we've seen plenty of full-posterioral ass on any number of occasions, but something about the posing in that scene just felt _especially_ suggestive to me.

Which somehow led to me writing about Chiharu writing the kind of shameless smut I often usually write. Possibly partially ironically.

_Meta_.

**Updated:** 8-21-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


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